


The Unicorn and the Wasp... if it was Graham and the Doc.

by Dabberdees



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen, The Unicorn and the Wasp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 11:12:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabberdees/pseuds/Dabberdees
Summary: A what-if scenario from 'The Unicorn and the Wasp'The Cyanide scene, if it happened to Graham and Thirteen instead of Donna and Ten.Bonus: A shocked Ryan and Yaz rush in to help at the worst possible moment.I saw the post on Tumblr and just had to write it.





	The Unicorn and the Wasp... if it was Graham and the Doc.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll drop the link to the post here  
> https://doctorhomo.tumblr.com/post/184181897708/jshajdksja-okay-im-watching-the-unicorn-and-the
> 
> And full credit goes to Doctorhomo for this idea.

“Graham.” said the Doctor, feeling suddenly ill after drinking from her glass. **  
**

Graham turns away from Agatha Christie with a slight frown on his face. “Doc?” he asked in a concerned tone.

“Something, something is inhibiting my enzymes.” the Doctor explained, a slight look of confusion on her face, she frowns for a brief second before doubling over in pain and crying out. “I’ve been poisoned.” she shrieked in sudden realisation.

Graham jumps from the chair instantly and places a frantic hand on the Doctor. “What the hell do we do, Doc?” He turns only slightly when he sees that Agatha has picked up the cup. “What has she been poisoned with?”

“Cyanide, sparkling cyanide Graham.”

Graham widens his eyes in shock before leaning back and out of the way of the Doctor as she leaps from the chair, only stumbling slightly as she heads out of the room and into the neighbouring kitchen. Agatha and Graham stare at one another for a hot second before standing up and rushing after her. Graham pauses and frantically looks around for any sign of Ryan and Yaz and swears when he doesn’t spot them. “RYAN! YAZ!” he yelled, hoping that someone would get them if they aren’t in the house at least. “The Doc, I don’t know what happened, but she’s been poisoned.” finished Graham, that’s all he can do at the moment. He rushes into the kitchen to see the Doctor clinging onto a young servant and catching her breath.

“Ginger beer!” said the Doctor in a half yell.

“I beg your pardon…”

“I need a ginger beer!” she exclaimed. Her own hearts thumping in her chest as panicked eyes look around the room. She lets out a breath of relief when she spots the much-needed liquid on the far shelf. Rushing forward and with arms shaking she grabs onto it and drinks heavily.

“The young lady has gone mad.” cried a cook in shock, before edging into the far corner of the room and away from the mad woman.

“Doctor, my next book is on poisons, there’s no cure for what you have been poisoned with. It’s fatal.” warned Agatha in terror.

“No, no, there’s must be something, the Doc, she’s harder than us, she’ll live.” revealed Graham, having faith that she has something planned. He hopes she does anyway. “Doc, what do you need?” demanded Graham, stepping back slightly when he sees her pouring the remainder of the ginger beer over her head.

“Graham’s right, it’s not fatal to me.” breathed the Doctor, the remnants of the ginger burning her throat. “If I can stimulate the inhibited enzymes into reversal.” explained the Doctor before staring at Graham. “I need protein, anything will do Graham.”

Graham nods and turns, his eyes flicking across the kitchen for anything and groaning when he sees nothing. Agatha joins in on his search. “Walnuts Graham!” cried Agatha as she points to a jar on the side near him. “They contain protein.”

“Right!” he answered as he quickly grabs the jar and heads back over to the Doctor, forcing it into her hands. He watches as she guzzles the walnuts. “What now?”

The Doctor, unable to speak over the walnuts in her mouth makes a shaking gesture. Graham widens his eyes in panic, he’s terrible at charades. “How many words Doc?” She holds up one finger. “Right one word, one word, one word…” muttered Graham. He furrows his brows and desperately wishes that Ryan and Yaz would hurry up, they would be a much better help than he is. “Milkshake?” he tries with a shrug at her shaking motion. “Oh bloody hell, it's shake something, I don’t know Doc!”

The Doctor shakes her head, still chewing on the walnuts as Graham tries to wrack his brain for anything. Her shaking motion confusing him. “A cocktail? You shake those right, what do you want?” He thinks over the very few he can make, settling on the first one that comes to mind. “I can do a Harvey Wallbanger, that’s ‘bout it.”

Finally finishing chewing the walnuts the Doctor leans forward and grabs Graham’s leather jacket. “HARVEY WALLBANGER?!”

“WELL I DON’T KNOW!” countered Graham in a shrill voice, his arms going wide.

“How is Harvey Wallbanger one word Graham, how?”

Agatha tiring of this conversation steps forward. “What else do you need Doctor?”

“Salt, I need salt.” answered the Doctor. “I was miming salt Graham, salt! I need something salty.” she lets go of his jacket and brings a hand to her side, gripping it in pain.

Graham releases a sigh, finally something he can get. He grabs the container of salt on the far side and rushes back to the Doctors side. “How about this?”

“What is it?” questioned the Doctor through deep breaths.

“It’s salt.” said Graham in a puzzled tone.

“That’s too salty!”

He widens his eyes and stares at her flabbergasted. “WELL IT WOULD BE, WOULDN’T IT, IT’S SALT!” snapped Graham. “Where the bloody hell are Ryan and Yaz?” he asked no one in particular.

“What about this Doctor?” asked Agatha pushing Graham out of the way and coming to save the day again. Graham turns to look at her. “It’s anchovies.”

The Doctor doesn’t say anything as she snatches the small jar from Agatha’s hands, bringing it to her mouth and necking it in the same way as she did with the walnuts.

“What else do you need Doc?” implored Graham. He watches as she gestures both hands wide.

“A song? Uh, it’s a… I don’t know! The Can Can?”

She stares at him in utter bewilderment. “THE CAN CAN?”

Graham flaps his arms again in panic. “The fucking Nutcracker then! I don’t bloody know!” His swearing causes the cooks and servants to jump in shock. “Charades. Is. Not. My. Strong. Suit!”

“It’s shock, Graham.” She gestures with her hands again and locks her eyes with him. “I need a shock Graham, something big, and I mean big.”

“Ah, crap…” muttered Graham, really regretting the one idea that just came into his mind. “Big shock coming up then Doc, oh bleeding hell..” He reaches forward and makes a grab for the Doctors coat. “Sorry about this Doc, but you asked for a shock and it’s about the only thing I can think of right now.”

The Doctor frowns very briefly and widens her eyes as Graham pulls her closer and kisses her full on the mouth.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” yelled the very familiar voices of Ryan and Yaz together as they enter to see Graham and the Doctor locked in a deep kiss.

Completely oblivious to whos just entered Graham pushes the Doctor away and wipes the horrible mashed up taste of ginger beer, walnuts, and anchovy from his mouth. “Never bloody ask me to do that again!” shouted Graham while pointing at the Doctor and only in that motion he catches the shocked expressions of Ryan and Yaz. “Where the bleeding hell were you two when I called for help?”

“Clearly not kissing the Doctor gramps, why were you kissing her?” yelped Ryan, snapping out of his shock. "It was bad enough when you and Nan did it, I really don't need you kissing my mates."

Graham goes to answer the question but stops and watches as the Doctor rears backwards with her mouth open. Everyone in the room takes a step back when a cloud of toxic gas escapes from her. After a moment she leans forward and rubs a hand across her mouth. “Really must do that again.”

“What?!” Yaz blurted out suddenly, panicking slightly when she thinks she means the kiss.

“Detox.” mumbled the Doctor with a wave of her hand as she looks at Yaz, the latter sighing in relief. “The detox of course, not the poisoning, that was horrible, it’s the detox that I should do again.” She then turns on Graham. “And a fat lot of good you were Graham, we really need to work on your charades.”

Ryan shakes his head. “No Doctor, let's put my grandads charades aside for the moment and answer why the bloody hell was he kissing you?!” Yaz nods quickly along with his question.

The Doctor makes an ‘Oh!’ face and smiles. “I needed a shock, and that was quite a big one, about the only good idea he had.”

“Bigger shock for me Doc, literally never ask me to do that again.” grumbled Graham, still wiping the taste from his mouth.

“Doctor, you are impossible! Who are you?” asked Agatha. The Doctor faces her and smiles before running from the room with Graham turning to dash after her.

“You still never explained why you were kissing the Doctor gramps!” shouted Ryan.

“Yeah, that was a pretty big thing we just stumbled in on.” added Yaz, finally coming out from her utter surprise at seeing that.

Graham stops and half turns to face them, an amused look on his face. “Hey, Ryan, son. Seems I won that bet we made after all.” he smirked before turning and heading after the Doctor.

Yaz frowns. “What bet?”

“No, that doesn’t count, you can’t do that, tell him he can’t do that!” replied Ryan, chasing after his grandad.

“WHAT BET DID YOU TWO MAKE?” called Yaz after them. “I’ll get it out of you Ryan, I bloody well will.” she muttered under her breath before sprinting after the three of them, leaving bemused and scared kitchen staff in her wake.


End file.
